Halloween

The pictures really say it all. Halloween was fun this year, just like every other year :) I have to say that the kids enjoyed trick or treating a little more this year, now that they are older. 

The kids couldn't wait to carve the pumpkins and then Dallas and I ended up doing all the work. But it was fun... maybe next year they will enjoy it more. 

It was a nice night... A little cold but bearable. First we went trick or treating on our street and then we headed to the ward trunk or treat...

Here are the kids with their friends Dylan, Lauren and Ethan. Evan and Ethan took off around the parking lot... they didn't seem to need any help :)

39 Weeks

Are you sick of my boring belly poses and updates yet? Ummm, me too :) Hopefully this is the last one, but you never know. By Friday or Saturday I'll probably be taking more belly pictures and posting my 40 week update.

Halloween 2011 Costumes :)

If you want to guess baby Daphne's birthday, just scroll down to the post below...

The kids are really excited for Halloween... The other day Evan said: "It's taking to long." and I asked what and he said: "Halloween." Then he was excited to hear that he had a playgroup and preschool party to look forward too. That made the wait a little more bearable. Just a few more days till we can go trick or treating :) I decided to take pictures today, to save time on Halloween. I only had to get Kiah dressed twice, and bribe her with a cookie to get some smiles out of her. Oh well. The things I do for a simple photo. But hey, I don't have to worry about this on Halloween and now they can enjoy trick or treating without me bothering them!

Evan the Firefighter and Makiah the Ballerina Bunny...

I'm so glad they love each other!

Guessing game

So... I went to the doctor today. No progress from the last appointment. Still 90% effaced and dilated to a 1. Once again I told her not to bother stripping my membranes. Oh well, things can change in an instant, right? Or I can wait, really I can. My due date is next week!! I can handle that. Within 2 weeks I will hopefully be home with my baby girl. And my mom and Cami will be here. I am getting excited, and now that things are getting so close I fee like I can handle the wait.

I thought it would be fun, for those of you who'd like to play along, to guess Daphne's birthday. Just leave a comment with the date that you think she'll come. Just to give you an idea of what to guess, my due date is November 4th, Evan came 4 days late, Makiah came 4 days early but it was a c-section, and I don't plan to let things go past the 7th (I am impatient, I am worried about having a big baby, and I can have a c-section by then if I want to :)).

So throw in your guess, I don't have any prizes to give out... but you can always give yourself a pat on the back if you are right! Haha, this will be fun ;)

Our family (before baby)... 2011

Since getting started with photography, photographs of my family have become extremely important to me. Especially yearly portraits. These kids grow up so darn fast! I look at them and wonder what happened (most parents say this and feel this way... if not all of them :)), where did time go?? With a baby on the way, I've been thinking about my first two babies and then I look at them now and I am overwhelmed with how they have changed. I am so glad we have been taking pictures, and getting photographs done each year together. It is soooo important.

I love looking at these... even though I am pregnant and have a big belly :) This is a time in my life that I don't want to forget, and I don't want my kids to forget. It will be so fun to look back at these and remember. I am sure it will be hard to picture life without Daphne, once she gets here... and so it will be fun to look at these and have the memory of this time.

Thank you Kim for taking these, I can't even tell you how much I love them.

The kids were so cold... and I didn't bring jackets :( Some mom I am! Makiah had a hard time, but Evan still gave us some of his best smiles! And we got a few from Makiah...

Yeay for this cute smile!! I LOVE this picture!

This picture makes me happy... I just love it.

Kim posted more on her blog, that you can look at too! :) And here are the posts from the different portrait sessions I've posted of our family since I've been blogging. It's fun to see how much we have all changed over the past couple years.

2 more weeks to go.

I know. My blog is getting so boring with pictures of me and my big belly. I'm sorry. Pretty soon I'll start taking pictures of my kids again... and my baby :) We haven't been doing much these days, I haven't been up to doing anything really (excuses, excuses). My poor kids. They have been best friends with the T.V. this week, especially since it has been so rainy and cold. We did do something fun though, we went to a pumpkin patch :) And I forgot my camera :( It was cold, wet, muddy and really fun! The kids loved picking out a pumpkin to carve, and lots of little pumpkins. It was the highlight of our not-so-entertaining week.

So here I am at week 38! The end is very much in sight. As much as I don't want to wait any longer, I am close enough that I think I can make it. My family is done with this pregnancy as well. Poor Dallas has put up with so much. He was awesome this week. He stayed home with me when he had somewhere to be, because I thought labor was starting, he did the grocery shopping, he watched the kids two different nights so I could go out with friends, and he put up with all my complaining. The kids have been SO patient with me. They get things for me, they play together when I need to lay down, and they are just so amazingly GOOD all of the time. They are the best kids. My mom has listened to me on the phone almost every day. I am surprised that she doesn't screen my calls. I am so glad she is willing to listen to me ramble on about nothing, just so I can pass time.

My friends are seriously the best. I am so lucky to have them! I always have someone willing to babysit, or to just hang out with. I don't think I could have made it through the past few weeks without them.

Speaking of awesome friends, Kim posted my maternity photos yesterday. I am so happy with them, and I keep going back to her blog to look at them :) Go take a peek if you haven't yet. Kim is so talented! I got to take her pictures the same day... they are posted on my blog if you'd like to see.

37 weeks

I've been doing this every other week lately, but I decided to do one once a week from here on out. I just don't know when this baby girl will decide to come... maybe this is my last pregnancy update? We'll see. 

Birth Stories

Before Evan was born I hated hearing birth stories. It was really hard for me to hear what women went through to have a baby. Since I had Evan it hasn't bothered me to hear other mother's stories. It's definitely a mom thing, to compare birth stories and listen to one another's experience. It is so nice to have someone to confide in and relate to.

I have looked back and thought about my previous pregnancies and deliveries a lot lately. I have never written down exactly what happened with both of my experiences. Finally, these past few days, I've written about each pregnancy and delivery. It has been fun to look back at these memories.

I decided to post these stories here. Please don't feel obligated to read them unless you really want to. I understand that these are things that not everyone wants to hear or read. Also, they are long :) I just want them to be written somewhere for my kids and I to look back and read later.

After having these two experiences, and having 3 years to think about them, I have made the decision to (hopefully) have a VBAC. I have more confidence in myself now. I am better preparing myself for labor and delivery. I have wondered if my problem with Evan's delivery really was his big size and my small pelvis. I have reason to believe that I wasn't doing as I should when I was pushing during delivery. I think I was too scared, tense and unable to relax enough for Evan to come. I really think that my tension was working against me and delivering my baby successfully. This is my last chance to try a VBAC and I feel extremely blessed to have found a doctor who is willing to help me. I am excited to see how things turn out. There is a chance that my previous doctor was right and I really am to small to deliver a baby. I may end up having a C-section. I don't want to be disappointed if I do. My experience with my scheduled C-section for Makiah was great and I won't complain if that happens again. I just can't help but wonder if I can make this work. We will see :)

My birth stories are posted below this post, feel free to read... if you feel so inclined :)

Evan's Story

Evan's Story.

Written on October 9, 2011

I found out I was pregnant with my first baby on May 6, 2006. We were planning and hoping to have a baby, but we weren't sure how long we'd have to wait. Dallas and I were both excited to find out that I got pregnant so soon.

Before I found out I was pregnant I excepted a summer job as a kids day camp counselor at a heritage center in Cache Valley. The job wasn't easy while being pregnant. I was often nauseous and I had a hard time working outside in the summer heat. Milking cows, chasing goats and collecting eggs with the kids wasn't my cup of tea... not to mention I had to wear a pioneer dress during the morning group. Luckily the people I worked with helped me out and let me take some afternoons off each week so I could get out of the heat and rest.

My due date was January 13th 2007. On August 24, 2006 we found out that our baby was a boy. We both were thinking it would be a girl (mostly because we had a name picked out), but the idea of having a boy first was really exciting. He would be a big brother to the rest of our kids and everyone needs a big brother... right? The night before we found out, I was thinking that it would be a boy, because all along I was hoping for a girl (of course it would be the opposite). Dallas and I started thinking of boy names and we saw the name Evan and really liked it. We were also thinking about using Henry Evan for quite a long time, but eventually Evan won out and it was stuck.

In the Fall I was a site coordinator at After School Club. I also worked as a teacher's aide in the mornings. I loved working at the school and handled it much better while being pregnant than my summer job. As far as I can remember, my pregnancy wasn't a hard one, other than dealing with nausea. I gained about 30-35 lbs during my pregnancy. I had to take an iron supplement during my pregnancy. The only really hard thing I remember from this pregnancy was dealing with the hormone changes. I got depressed and anxious, but working and staying busy help a lot. I relied a lot on Dallas and my family for help. I took an anti-depressant to help as well.

I was terrified of delivering my baby. I didn't read very much material on the subject and I didn't seek out help either. I didn't want to take a childbirth class and I didn't want to hear about anyone's experience with childbirth. Since I wasn't prepared for the experience, neither was Dallas. We were two very young parents-to-be and we had no clue what was going on. I guess, to give myself some credit, I was more prepared for parenthood rather than the actual delivery. I read a lot of books about how to care for babies, etc. That was the part that I was comfortable with and could handle. I honestly got sick just thinking about the delivery day.

I am sad to say that this is the only photo I have of my pregnant belly right before Evan was born.  Photo taken on December 31, 2006.

At my doctor appointment the week of my due date I still hadn't dilated at all. I don't think I had even felt a single contraction yet during the pregnancy. My doctor did an ultra sound, trying to find any reason to induce me. I was healthy, the baby was fine... there was no need to be induced. I waited.

On January 16th, late in the evening, I went into labor. It was slow, contractions about 15 minutes apart. I was in and out of bed all night timing and dealing with the contractions. They weren't painful, but very consistent. The next morning I called the hospital. I was told to stay at home a while longer, eat some breakfast and get ready to come in to labor and delivery. My contractions were only 10 minutes apart... but I was anxious and we went to the hospital around 10:30 that morning.

I look back and think that I should have stayed home longer. But in all honesty, I had no clue what to do. At the hospital we didn't do much but wait. I was really fine, not too much discomfort or pain during the contractions. I remember later in the afternoon, maybe around 1 or 2, my doctor broke my water. I asked for an epidural as soon as the contractions got painful. I was so nervous about feeling any pain at all. With the epidural I had a very easy labor. Not too much pain, but I was still so nervous.

At 7 p.m. I was finally dilated to 10 cm. I had the same nurse all day, but at this point she left and I got a new nurse for delivery. We waited for an hour to push, in hopes that the baby would move down on his own a little. At 8 p.m. I started pushing. This is the point that I look back at and think... I had no clue what to do! I wonder if I would have prepared myself a little better, if things would have worked out better. But I really don't know if that would've helped.

Pushing was a nightmare. I had back labor that was so painful. Because of the pain I was told to just add to the dose of the epidural. That was a bad idea, it didn't help the back labor and I was so numb that I couldn't feel my contractions, or even move on my own. I hated having my feet up in the stirrups, but being the quiet and shy girl that I was... I didn't ask if I could change things up a little. Dallas was sweet and he wanted to help, but he wasn't sure what to do either. He would try to rub my legs and that just made me upset. I hated they way it felt on my numb legs and I didn't want him to touch me. The nurse tried to help me through each contraction. She would tell me when to push since I couldn't feel anything. I remember getting ready for a contraction to come and she would tell me to push... and then I would say that I couldn't do it anymore. The nurse was really pushy and tried so hard to motivate me, but she really just made me so mad (I am sure I was driving her crazy). I wished so hard that I could just give up. I also remember freaking out at a few points, because of the pain, or the sight of blood. I was so nauseous and threw up several times.  I could not keep myself in control to think my way through the delivery. I couldn't handle everything that was happening. I was so overwhelmed. Finally, after two hours of pushing, my doctor was called in. She obviously didn't see any progress, so she told me that she thought a c-section was the best route. She explained that my pelvis just wasn't big enough to fit the baby through, and that forceps wouldn't even help me at this point. She asked me for my permission to do a c-section and after a little hesitation I told her to just get the baby out. I just wanted to be done.

I honestly thought I was going to die. That is a little over dramatic, but that is how I felt. They prepped me for surgery and I just laid there, so overwhelmed. My mom and my sister Cami were in the waiting room. As I was wheeled past them to get to the OR, I said goodbye... because  I thought I was going to die. Dallas didn't come in right away, he was out in the hallway getting his scrubs and things on. He said that he was scared too, especially when a group of students rushed in to get ready for the surgery. Half of them were nervous and asking how to put the masks and things on. This didn't give Dallas comfort.

The surgery was fine, there were no problems. I remember shaking from the medication, I was so cold. Dallas watched the surgery when he could... I wanted him to talk to me rather than watch, so he could help me relax. Evan John was born at 10:39 p.m. on January 17, 2007. He was 8 lbs, 8.5 oz and 21 inches long. He had a little bit of brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. He was perfect. I wanted to hold him but I couldn't. I remember crying when I first heard his cry. I couldn't believe he was finally here. Dallas was able to hold him and show him to me. He was so chubby!

They took me to recovery after the surgery. I was there for an hour. Alone. I hated it. Finally they took me to my room and Dallas was there, but then they took him away. I didn't know why, I figured he would get Evan and bring him to me. I waited. And waited. Finally I asked a nurse what was going on. She said that they were bathing Evan and they would come soon. It took an hour of waiting. Finally, 2 hours after his birth, I got to hold my Evan. I tried nursing, but we were both so tired and it was all I could do to keep from falling asleep. I originally wanted Evan to stay with me in my room, but I needed to rest. So I let the nurse take him to the nursery.

My hospital stay... to be blunt.... wasn't a good experience. I was having trouble nursing. I had trouble with the nurses feeding Evan a bottle without asking me first. He wouldn't latch on and I ended up feeding him through a syringe and trying to use a nipple shield. I pumped to try to get my milk to come in. He was one confused baby. I was one confused mom. It was all so hard. To top it all off, my hormones were going crazy. I cried over everything. I hated the night time and didn't get much sleep. Dallas didn't stay the night, because there was no where for him to sleep. It took me awhile to get up and walking. They took my catheter out and then needed to put it back in, because I couldn't even use the bathroom on my own. I was so frustrated and just wanted to go home. On January 20th I finally got to go home, but that was after convincing the hospital staff that I was ready. They wanted me to stay one more night.

Everything (except nursing) seemed to get better once I got home. I was tired, sore and sick of course. But I was home and recovering, so everything seemed much better. I tried to nurse Evan for three weeks. It was the same pattern every other hour... I'd try to nurse Evan, he wouldn't latch on, I would use a nipple shield and he still wouldn't latch on. Then I would feed him what breast milk I had (which wasn't much... I never got very much milk) with the syringe and eventually a bottle. Then I would pump and the cycle would start over an hour or two later. It was hard. Night time was never ending. I hated pumping, and I would dread feeding time. I wanted to breastfeed Evan so bad, but at the same time it was emotionally and physically straining. After three weeks Dallas finally made the suggestion to just stop and bottle feed. It was a hard decision, but it was right for us. I immediately felt happier. I enjoyed being with Evan so much more. The stress was gone and I was happy being a mom.

It was a big learning experience for Dallas and me. We grew so much from everything that happened. I do have some fun memories from the time... like when Dallas went home during my labor to get lunch. He came back with a bag of popcorn. I swear it made the whole labor and delivery floor smell so good. I was so mad at Dallas for bringing it in when I couldn't eat anything. Another time in the hospital, after I had Evan, we were watching the Cosby Show. It was so funny. But I couldn't laugh. My incision and muscles hurt so bad and I had to make Dallas turn off the TV because I was laughing and crying so hard. I also loved holding Evan and looking at him. He was so beautiful, and it was so hard to believe he was mine. I loved his eyes (and still do!). He was just perfect. I loved being a mom, even with the ups and downs in the hospital. I also loved seeing my family after I came home from the hospital. It was fun to show off my baby :) My mom came and stayed with me for a time after I got home. It was fun to be with her, and watch her be a grandma.

Our family of 3 on April 7, 2007.

Overall, I recovered very quickly. It is amazing to me what mothers do to bring their little ones into the world. Then, just like that, things are fine. We recover, and have the energy needed to a take care of a child.  I don't think childbirth has to be dramatic or extremely painful. But in some cases, it just is. In my situation I wasn't prepared for much at all. I thought I could just show up, have a baby, and everything would be okay, the hospital staff would know enough for me. Now I know that it takes preparation. There is much we can learn from reading, going to classes and practicing relaxation and breathing techniques for labor and delivery. I have yet to have a vaginal birth, but I do know that many women handle it beautifully... even though it isn't easy.

I now look at Evan and I am amazed that I made it to this point. That he has grown into such a smart, healthy young boy. He is such a blessing in my life and (of course) I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Makiah's Story

Makiah's Story

Written on October 10, 2011

Before Dallas and I decided to have our second child, we were enjoying our time with baby Evan. Being a mom was fun, challenging, and different. It was a hard transition from being in school and work to being a stay-at-home mom. I often got bored and had a hard time being at home. Dallas decided to apply for graduate school at Purdue University in the fall of 2007, and that was when I decided I wanted another baby. I wanted someone for Evan to play with, and I wanted to have another baby before we made any big changes in our life (like moving across the country). I remember asking Dallas if he felt it was time, he wasn't so big on the idea as I was. After all, Evan was only 7 or 8 months old at the time. Dallas took the GRE and  turned in his application to Purdue and began looking for work as well. He was graduating from Utah State the following May and we weren't sure where we would be after that. I continued to ask for another baby :) Finally Dallas felt good about the idea. On November 19, 2007 (our second anniversary) we found out I was pregnant with our second baby. Evan was only 10 months old, he would be 18 months by the time the baby arrived.

We kept the pregnancy a secret until Evan's 1st birthday in January. We had a big family party for Evan and told everyone that day. We still didn't know what was going to happen after graduation. If by chance we did move to Indiana, we would be having our baby in Utah before the move.

This pregnancy, like Evan's, was hard emotionally. I quickly became depressed. I would get so bored, sad and anxious all the time. Being a stay at home mom did not help this situation. I constantly wanted Dallas to be home. I wanted to be around people. We visited my family as much as we could. But the traveling was tough on our budget and it was hard for Dallas to understand why I needed my family all the time. I had friends in the area, but no one I felt like I could talk to and gain support from. Again, I took an anti-depressant to help. It wasn't always enough though. I had to wait for my second trimester to take it and so the first trimester was very hard on me. As we continued to talk about hopefully getting accepted to Purdue, and maybe moving to Indiana, I had a very hard time. The thoughts of moving away from family made the depression worse. It was hard on Dallas and I. We just couldn't understand each other at the time.

Other than the depression, I really can't remember having any pregnancy troubles. I did have to take an iron supplement, just as I did with Evan's pregnancy. I was planning on having a C-section and so I didn't worry about birthing classes or reading any birthing books. My doctor was insistent that I should have a C-section. She said that I was just to small to birth a baby and that is how it would be with each baby I had. I was terrified of the thought of a VBAC, so I went with her opinion and planned on the C-section.

My due date was originally on July 27, 2008, but after my first appointment and ultra sound my doctor found that my baby was measuring big. She moved my due date up to July 20th. Since I was having a C-section, I knew I would have the baby within a week before my due date. On February 28, 2008 we found out that our baby was a girl! I was so excited that I cried :) We already had a name picked out for her, Makiah Jaiden.

Little Evan didn't really know what was going on throughout my pregnancy. He was so young and just didn't understand. He was such a good toddler and that made things easy for me. I had plenty of time to sleep during his naps and he enjoyed playing next to me while I rested.

In the spring we started to doubt that Dallas would get accepted into Purdue. We hadn't heard anything and that was really disappointing to Dallas. Dallas continued to look for a job with no luck. Two weeks before graduation we finally received a letter in the mail from Purdue. We still had our doubts and thought that it was a rejection since it had come later than we thought it would. We both cried (with joy :)) when we read that Dallas was accepted! We were both so surprised, and despite my worry before, we both knew that it was what we were supposed to do.

This is one of  the only photos I have of my pregnant belly with Makiah. Taken after Dallas' Graduation from Utah State, on May 3, 2008

I was able to ignore the nervous thoughts of moving across the country because of my pregnancy. The baby would come first and then the move (though I did a lot of packing, looking for a place to live, etc). As we got closer to my due date, we scheduled the C-section for Wednesday, July 16, 2008.

Having a scheduled C-section was wonderful. I knew exactly when our baby would come, and was able to plan everything in advance. The day before the surgery my sister, Cami, came up to take us to the hospital the next day and to watch Evan. (We didn't have a car because it broke down the weekend before). The day of my surgery my parents also came to see Makiah and to take Evan home with them for a few days (they also brought us our new car that they test drove for us and we bought just in time for the baby to come and for the move to Indiana).

The morning of the C-section I was so anxious. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I had to be at the hospital by 5:30 a.m. if I remember right. The surgery would begin at 7:30 a.m. While Dallas and I were waiting in a hospital room, Dallas was trying to keep my mind off of things (probably for himself too). He was being his funny self and making me laugh so hard... eventually the laughing turned to tears as I realized what was going to happen soon. I cried and cried as we waited. They took me into the OR and prepped me for a spinal block. This was probably the scariest part for me. I cried more. I hated the feeling of my body going numb and not being able to feel anything or control myself. I handled the surgery very well this time around. Dallas watched the surgery as much as he could... I wanted him to stay close to me to help me through it. Things moved very quickly, there was no pain during the surgery, but a lot of tugging and pulling that I could feel. At 7:47 a.m. Makiah was born. She was 7 lbs  8 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. She had very dark eyes, almost black. Here hair was brown, and she had a crease above her nose that we thought was so cute. The best part was that I was able to hold her close to me with Dallas' help.

Next they took me to recovery, it was much better with Makiah than with Evan. I was able to nurse her right away and Dallas was there too. Later I went to my room and my parents, Cami, and Evan came to see Makiah. Evan was all over the place, he didn't seem to care about the baby and he didn't understand why I couldn't hold him. They soon left and I was able to get plenty of rest.

Breastfeeding Makiah was better than with Evan, but not easy. She latched on okay, but she sure sucked hard. I was having a hard time with it. I know nursing isn't easy and it takes time, but it was more than that. I couldn't enjoy it. I had a hard time with even the thoughts of nursing and having a baby latched on to me. I didn't like it, and I didn't like that I didn't like it. All my life I had planned to nurse my babies and it just wasn't turning out like I had planned. Just like with Evan, I felt pressured to do it, but didn't want to. I dreaded feeding times. During my hospital stay one of my nurses was my bishop's wife. I was nervous having her as a nurse, and I thought for sure that she would pressure me into breastfeeding Makiah. At one point she asked me how breastfeeding was going and I hesitantly told her that it was tough, I was extremely sore and I wasn't sure if I was going to continue. She was so helpful! She didn't try to sway me from breastfeeding, but she talked to me and reminded me that I was the mom and I could do what was best for me and my baby. She told me to work it out with Dallas and make the decision that we felt most comfortable with. It was so relieving. I decided shortly after that that I would bottle feed again. It was what I really wanted and what I was familiar with. Dallas agreed 100%.

I knew from the start of my hospital stay that I didn't want to stay there three nights again. I was determined to be ready to go home after two nights. I got up regularly and was able to take care of myself and Makiah for the most part. Dallas was able to stay with me during the night (it was the same hospital as with Evan, but it was a new maternity wing, so it was bigger and had a pull out bed for the father). We went home on Friday, July 18th and enjoyed a day with Makiah while Evan was still with grandma and grandpa.

On Saturday Evan came home. With all the visitors in the house he didn't even realize that Makiah was ours and she was here to stay. Once we had our house back to ourselves, Evan started to notice Makiah more and more. He loved having a baby sister and he loved helping his mom. My sister Bethany stayed to help me for about a week or so. It was nice having her around, especially since we were about to move soon.

Our family of 4 on August 3, 2008, Makiah's Blessing day.

The transition from having one child to two was a lot easier for me than the transition from not having any children to having one. I felt ready and I already had a routine. I guess the hard part was moving, but that doesn't happen every time a child comes into a family. It was wonderful having Makiah come into our family. I stay busy with two children and they have become the best of friends. It was just what I wanted and it made the move to Indiana easier in a way. It is wonderful to have a family of my own and being at home with my kids each day. I stay busy and I don't get bored anymore with two kids. I have loved being a mom!