Evan's Story

Evan's Story.

Written on October 9, 2011

I found out I was pregnant with my first baby on May 6, 2006. We were planning and hoping to have a baby, but we weren't sure how long we'd have to wait. Dallas and I were both excited to find out that I got pregnant so soon.

Before I found out I was pregnant I excepted a summer job as a kids day camp counselor at a heritage center in Cache Valley. The job wasn't easy while being pregnant. I was often nauseous and I had a hard time working outside in the summer heat. Milking cows, chasing goats and collecting eggs with the kids wasn't my cup of tea... not to mention I had to wear a pioneer dress during the morning group. Luckily the people I worked with helped me out and let me take some afternoons off each week so I could get out of the heat and rest.

My due date was January 13th 2007. On August 24, 2006 we found out that our baby was a boy. We both were thinking it would be a girl (mostly because we had a name picked out), but the idea of having a boy first was really exciting. He would be a big brother to the rest of our kids and everyone needs a big brother... right? The night before we found out, I was thinking that it would be a boy, because all along I was hoping for a girl (of course it would be the opposite). Dallas and I started thinking of boy names and we saw the name Evan and really liked it. We were also thinking about using Henry Evan for quite a long time, but eventually Evan won out and it was stuck.

In the Fall I was a site coordinator at After School Club. I also worked as a teacher's aide in the mornings. I loved working at the school and handled it much better while being pregnant than my summer job. As far as I can remember, my pregnancy wasn't a hard one, other than dealing with nausea. I gained about 30-35 lbs during my pregnancy. I had to take an iron supplement during my pregnancy. The only really hard thing I remember from this pregnancy was dealing with the hormone changes. I got depressed and anxious, but working and staying busy help a lot. I relied a lot on Dallas and my family for help. I took an anti-depressant to help as well.

I was terrified of delivering my baby. I didn't read very much material on the subject and I didn't seek out help either. I didn't want to take a childbirth class and I didn't want to hear about anyone's experience with childbirth. Since I wasn't prepared for the experience, neither was Dallas. We were two very young parents-to-be and we had no clue what was going on. I guess, to give myself some credit, I was more prepared for parenthood rather than the actual delivery. I read a lot of books about how to care for babies, etc. That was the part that I was comfortable with and could handle. I honestly got sick just thinking about the delivery day.

I am sad to say that this is the only photo I have of my pregnant belly right before Evan was born.  Photo taken on December 31, 2006.

At my doctor appointment the week of my due date I still hadn't dilated at all. I don't think I had even felt a single contraction yet during the pregnancy. My doctor did an ultra sound, trying to find any reason to induce me. I was healthy, the baby was fine... there was no need to be induced. I waited.

On January 16th, late in the evening, I went into labor. It was slow, contractions about 15 minutes apart. I was in and out of bed all night timing and dealing with the contractions. They weren't painful, but very consistent. The next morning I called the hospital. I was told to stay at home a while longer, eat some breakfast and get ready to come in to labor and delivery. My contractions were only 10 minutes apart... but I was anxious and we went to the hospital around 10:30 that morning.

I look back and think that I should have stayed home longer. But in all honesty, I had no clue what to do. At the hospital we didn't do much but wait. I was really fine, not too much discomfort or pain during the contractions. I remember later in the afternoon, maybe around 1 or 2, my doctor broke my water. I asked for an epidural as soon as the contractions got painful. I was so nervous about feeling any pain at all. With the epidural I had a very easy labor. Not too much pain, but I was still so nervous.

At 7 p.m. I was finally dilated to 10 cm. I had the same nurse all day, but at this point she left and I got a new nurse for delivery. We waited for an hour to push, in hopes that the baby would move down on his own a little. At 8 p.m. I started pushing. This is the point that I look back at and think... I had no clue what to do! I wonder if I would have prepared myself a little better, if things would have worked out better. But I really don't know if that would've helped.

Pushing was a nightmare. I had back labor that was so painful. Because of the pain I was told to just add to the dose of the epidural. That was a bad idea, it didn't help the back labor and I was so numb that I couldn't feel my contractions, or even move on my own. I hated having my feet up in the stirrups, but being the quiet and shy girl that I was... I didn't ask if I could change things up a little. Dallas was sweet and he wanted to help, but he wasn't sure what to do either. He would try to rub my legs and that just made me upset. I hated they way it felt on my numb legs and I didn't want him to touch me. The nurse tried to help me through each contraction. She would tell me when to push since I couldn't feel anything. I remember getting ready for a contraction to come and she would tell me to push... and then I would say that I couldn't do it anymore. The nurse was really pushy and tried so hard to motivate me, but she really just made me so mad (I am sure I was driving her crazy). I wished so hard that I could just give up. I also remember freaking out at a few points, because of the pain, or the sight of blood. I was so nauseous and threw up several times.  I could not keep myself in control to think my way through the delivery. I couldn't handle everything that was happening. I was so overwhelmed. Finally, after two hours of pushing, my doctor was called in. She obviously didn't see any progress, so she told me that she thought a c-section was the best route. She explained that my pelvis just wasn't big enough to fit the baby through, and that forceps wouldn't even help me at this point. She asked me for my permission to do a c-section and after a little hesitation I told her to just get the baby out. I just wanted to be done.

I honestly thought I was going to die. That is a little over dramatic, but that is how I felt. They prepped me for surgery and I just laid there, so overwhelmed. My mom and my sister Cami were in the waiting room. As I was wheeled past them to get to the OR, I said goodbye... because  I thought I was going to die. Dallas didn't come in right away, he was out in the hallway getting his scrubs and things on. He said that he was scared too, especially when a group of students rushed in to get ready for the surgery. Half of them were nervous and asking how to put the masks and things on. This didn't give Dallas comfort.

The surgery was fine, there were no problems. I remember shaking from the medication, I was so cold. Dallas watched the surgery when he could... I wanted him to talk to me rather than watch, so he could help me relax. Evan John was born at 10:39 p.m. on January 17, 2007. He was 8 lbs, 8.5 oz and 21 inches long. He had a little bit of brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. He was perfect. I wanted to hold him but I couldn't. I remember crying when I first heard his cry. I couldn't believe he was finally here. Dallas was able to hold him and show him to me. He was so chubby!

They took me to recovery after the surgery. I was there for an hour. Alone. I hated it. Finally they took me to my room and Dallas was there, but then they took him away. I didn't know why, I figured he would get Evan and bring him to me. I waited. And waited. Finally I asked a nurse what was going on. She said that they were bathing Evan and they would come soon. It took an hour of waiting. Finally, 2 hours after his birth, I got to hold my Evan. I tried nursing, but we were both so tired and it was all I could do to keep from falling asleep. I originally wanted Evan to stay with me in my room, but I needed to rest. So I let the nurse take him to the nursery.

My hospital stay... to be blunt.... wasn't a good experience. I was having trouble nursing. I had trouble with the nurses feeding Evan a bottle without asking me first. He wouldn't latch on and I ended up feeding him through a syringe and trying to use a nipple shield. I pumped to try to get my milk to come in. He was one confused baby. I was one confused mom. It was all so hard. To top it all off, my hormones were going crazy. I cried over everything. I hated the night time and didn't get much sleep. Dallas didn't stay the night, because there was no where for him to sleep. It took me awhile to get up and walking. They took my catheter out and then needed to put it back in, because I couldn't even use the bathroom on my own. I was so frustrated and just wanted to go home. On January 20th I finally got to go home, but that was after convincing the hospital staff that I was ready. They wanted me to stay one more night.

Everything (except nursing) seemed to get better once I got home. I was tired, sore and sick of course. But I was home and recovering, so everything seemed much better. I tried to nurse Evan for three weeks. It was the same pattern every other hour... I'd try to nurse Evan, he wouldn't latch on, I would use a nipple shield and he still wouldn't latch on. Then I would feed him what breast milk I had (which wasn't much... I never got very much milk) with the syringe and eventually a bottle. Then I would pump and the cycle would start over an hour or two later. It was hard. Night time was never ending. I hated pumping, and I would dread feeding time. I wanted to breastfeed Evan so bad, but at the same time it was emotionally and physically straining. After three weeks Dallas finally made the suggestion to just stop and bottle feed. It was a hard decision, but it was right for us. I immediately felt happier. I enjoyed being with Evan so much more. The stress was gone and I was happy being a mom.

It was a big learning experience for Dallas and me. We grew so much from everything that happened. I do have some fun memories from the time... like when Dallas went home during my labor to get lunch. He came back with a bag of popcorn. I swear it made the whole labor and delivery floor smell so good. I was so mad at Dallas for bringing it in when I couldn't eat anything. Another time in the hospital, after I had Evan, we were watching the Cosby Show. It was so funny. But I couldn't laugh. My incision and muscles hurt so bad and I had to make Dallas turn off the TV because I was laughing and crying so hard. I also loved holding Evan and looking at him. He was so beautiful, and it was so hard to believe he was mine. I loved his eyes (and still do!). He was just perfect. I loved being a mom, even with the ups and downs in the hospital. I also loved seeing my family after I came home from the hospital. It was fun to show off my baby :) My mom came and stayed with me for a time after I got home. It was fun to be with her, and watch her be a grandma.

Our family of 3 on April 7, 2007.

Overall, I recovered very quickly. It is amazing to me what mothers do to bring their little ones into the world. Then, just like that, things are fine. We recover, and have the energy needed to a take care of a child.  I don't think childbirth has to be dramatic or extremely painful. But in some cases, it just is. In my situation I wasn't prepared for much at all. I thought I could just show up, have a baby, and everything would be okay, the hospital staff would know enough for me. Now I know that it takes preparation. There is much we can learn from reading, going to classes and practicing relaxation and breathing techniques for labor and delivery. I have yet to have a vaginal birth, but I do know that many women handle it beautifully... even though it isn't easy.

I now look at Evan and I am amazed that I made it to this point. That he has grown into such a smart, healthy young boy. He is such a blessing in my life and (of course) I wouldn't trade him for anything.