Dallas and me.

Let's face it. We are starving for attention... the kids get it all. So what do we do? We leave on a date, take random pictures of ourselves, and then post them all over the blog :) 

On Saturday we went to see Brian Regan. It was the best date ever. An hour and a half in the car alone, a FUNNY show and then another hour and a half in the car alone. Ahhh. We sure needed a night out and it was great. Over 5 hours of being kid free... we love the kids, but it's sure nice to get some Dallas and me time. Brian Regan is HILARIOUS. We just about died laughing that night, it was great. We have been wanting to see one of his shows for a few years now and it was totally worth it. Loved it. 

One of those catch up posts, because I haven't posted in forever...

So, a quick catch up.

I don't take enough pictures. It's starting to bother me, so maybe I will change that.

We were super sick two weeks back and I still feel like we are finally getting back in the swing of things. It's amazing how long it takes to get everyone feeling better. Forever.

I am hitting that time of year that I feel sooooo homesick. It's been about 4 months since I've seen family and I still have 4 months until I get to visit family in Utah. That halfway point is HARD. Luckily, Dallas' sister is coming to see us soon. Yeay for visitors!!

March is going by FAST. But I will not complain, because it is usually slow. Also, the weather (minus the wind) is fabulous right now. Today was the best day yet, in the seventies. Flip flops, t-shirts... and really, I should have pulled out the shorts and capris. Soooo nice.

I keep telling myself that I need to take Daphne's 4 month pictures, but it hasn't really happened yet. But I took these the other day and I like them. :) I'll have to do some that are more posed later. For now, here is something cute to look at...

This past month Daphne can:

Roll from belly to back... on occasion, but not a lot. 

Reach and bat at toys

Grasp toys (she gets so excited when we put toys in front of her)

Giggle

Fall asleep on her own (only crying for 5 minutes or so)

Follow or turn towards our voices

Sit in her bumbo seat

Sometimes she tries to roll to her belly, but she hasn't figured that one out yet

At the beginning of the month when Daphne had a nasty cold, it threw off her whole schedule. She went from sleeping through the night, every night, to waking up once or twice. I got a taste of the sleep deprivation that I should have had during her 2nd and 3rd months. Lucky for me she was a great sleeper, but unfortunately that didn't last long. Now that she is feeling better she is starting to get her routine back.... but every other night or so she will wake up to eat and sometimes have a hard time going back to sleep. That or she wakes up really early.

Daphne is still her sweet little self, even though she wakes me up at night. Her sweet personality amazes me. I love how happy she is. The kids just love her to pieces, and so do Dallas and I.

Story about Evan: He is obsessed about calendars and time, as you may know. Last Monday after school Evan was really upset. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that the class calendar was wrong. March started on Wednesday when it was supposed to start on Thursday. He was practically in tears. I calmed him down and left before he made a scene. Later he told Dallas about this and he said that he told the teacher about the mistake, but the teacher told him that the calendar was right. He went on to explain that it was March 5th that day and not March 6th as they told him. They continued to tell him that it was March 6th. Oh Evan. He is so silly and likes things to be just right. No wonder he was sad when I picked him up. I wonder what the teachers thought when they realized that a five year old had been right and had noticed the silly mistake. To think that a five year old would even care :)

Story about Makiah: We got new neighbors and they have kids. My kids saw them outside in the back and wanted to play with them. Makiah was not afraid to ask them if they wanted to play, but was really confused when they said no. She came in the house so sad and explained what happened. I think it is so funny that my kids are not shy at all, when they have two very quiet and shy parents. I had to explain to her that it was ok if the kids didn't want to play, and that they might be shy. The next day she tried again to get the kids to play with her, but they said no again. Poor girl. Maybe one day they will come play with her :)

As for Dallas and I... Same old. I did get a new haircut though, that I really like. Dallas is just enjoying work. But we are both getting excited (more myself than him) for our new van that we'll be getting by the end of the week. Super excited!

Photo Booth

This project went from something small... and exploded into something big. All I wanted was 6 photos for my frame that's above my computer. I wanted some simple photos of my kids, making cute expressions. So I decided on this photo booth look. We had WAY too much fun doing this.

 On Friday, I showed Dallas these photos of Evan and Makiah and I started putting them into a slide show. We LOVED the photos and couldn't stop looking at them. Then I thought... wouldn't this be better with all five of us? So on Saturday we went to work.

And with a lot of patience, and Dallas' help, this is what we came up with...
(If it makes you type in a password (I hope it doesn't, but it might), here it is: 022012)

 

I love that this shows all of our personalities. It shows a side of us that we don't usually show others. This is how we are at home, with each other. Loving life :)

Daphne's Story

Daphne's Story

Written on November 13, 2011

Photography by Kim Davis

I don't know where to start. This story is a story I'll never forget. Something that keeps replaying in my mind. It was an incredible experience, just like Evan and Makiah's stories. Each one of my children's births were so different. I am glad I was able to experience each one. Being a mother is... amazing.

I went into labor on Halloween night (though, I still claim I was in labor for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy. Too many Braxton Hicks contractions). We got home from trunk-or-treating around 8 pm, and that is when I started noticing frequent contractions. I didn't think much of it. It had been a long, busy day... I figured they were just more Braxton Hicks contractions. By 9 pm the kids were in bed and I was still having contractions. I laid down and Dallas and I watched Soul Surfer (kind of a cute movie, by the way). I timed the contractions while we watched the movie. They were 8-10 minutes apart the whole time. After the movie ended, I called my mom and told her what was going on. She told me to get up and move around to see what would happen. I got up and started packing my bag for the hospital (wishful thinking, but I am glad I did it!). The contractions kept coming, though they were all over the place... 5-10 apart. I didn't know what to think... so I went to bed.

I got three hours of sleep, and then the contractions started to get more intense. By 3 am I couldn't sleep. They were still 10 minutes apart, but too intense to sleep through. I would fall asleep and then wake up during each contraction. By 5 am I couldn't sleep anymore so I took a bath instead. I wasn't sure what to think. I could handle the pressure of the contractions, but they weren't going away... or getting closer together. I went back to bed.

At 7 am I woke up Dallas and told him to get in the shower and get ready. I figured this was it and we would be heading to the hospital soon enough. Then I told him never mind... I wanted to take a shower first! If this was it, I wanted to be ready. I was able to shower and get ready for the day, just like it was any other day. It was really nice to feel so ready. But I still had my doubts that this was it (I know, I am crazy). In between each contraction I felt okay, and so it was hard to believe what was happening. By 8 am I told Dallas that maybe he should go to work and I'd call him home if things changed (contractions were still 10 minutes apart and bearable). Then I had a few strong contractions and told him never mind... this had to be it! At 8:30 I called my mom, asked her opinion, and she told me to call the doctor. I called the doctor's office, told them what was going on. They told me to come into the clinic so they could see where things were going.

I called Holly, our next door neighbor and friend, to watch our kids and started getting their things together. During each contraction I had to stop what I was doing, so I could concentrate on breathing. It's funny now that I look back at this... obviously I was in labor, but I still had my doubts. At 9 am I was feeling so rushed, trying to get the kids out of the house so we could get to the clinic. It was then that I told Dallas that I wanted to eat breakfast. If this was anything like Evan's delivery day, I would be in labor until late that evening. I wanted to eat. Dallas set my food at the table and when I sat down to eat I had a strong contraction. I was so mad at Dallas for making me sit on that hard chair! The kids were probably wondering what my problem was, I was so mad and it hurt so bad. Then we finally got the kids out the door... They were both so excited and happy as they left. It was kind of hard watching them go.

We finally got in the car at 9:20. I called my mom, because I was hesitant about going to the clinic rather than the hospital. She asked if I had to stop what I was doing when I had a contraction, I said yes. She then told me, "You are in labor, get to the hospital." That was it, we were off to the hospital by 9:25 (after turning around to get Dallas' phone... of course he had forgotten it!)

All this time I was wondering if this was real (by then I knew it was). I should have called Kim sooner (she was coming to take pictures for us at the hospital), but I was in denial all morning. I finally called her on the way to the hospital, then I handed the phone to Dallas. I couldn't talk, the contractions were all of a sudden closer together and very strong. He told her we were on our way to the hospital and we'd let her know what was going on. The drive was miserable, though Dallas got us there fast. I kept telling him to go faster, and to run red lights (which he didn't... :)) I was so impatient! The contractions must have been coming every 3 minutes by then, though I wasn't timing them. The contractions sped up so fast, just a half hour before they were only 10 minutes apart. I felt so weird. My neck and arms felt tingly and numb. I was so overwhelmed.

We got to the hospital by 9:50 if not a little sooner. I had called the clinic to tell them that was where we were headed. They came out with a wheelchair (thank heavens, by then I don't think I could have walked). As they checked me in all I could think was how much I wanted an epidural. The woman at the desk kept asking me questions and I just stared at her like she was crazy. I could hardly remember my own name. Dallas had to talk for me. I told Dallas to tell the nurse as soon as we got up to labor and delivery that I needed an epidural ASAP. I couldn't wait another minute.

As soon as the nurse met us upstairs I told her that I'd like an epidural as soon as possible.... then she told me that the anesthesiologist was in a C-section. Ummmm no. Not working for me. So I kept asking (politely) from time to time. Reminding her that was what I wanted needed.

I was dilated to a 7 by the time the nurse examined me (probably around 10 am). This was it. It was real. There was no turning back. Dallas texted Kim and told her to come. They took me to labor and delivery, on the way all the nurses we passed wished me luck. I just stared ahead. I was so overwhelmed.

The hospital staff was wonderful. My nurse was so patient with me. They pulled an anesthesiologist from another floor to come and give me my epidural. I was sooooo grateful. There was no way I could have done it natural. All through my pregnancy I thought about it, but by then I knew that I couldn't handle it. I was too emotional, overwhelmed and let's face it. I am a wuss. Yes it's true.

One thing that was really different from Evan and Makiah's births was how calm I was about the small things. I remember getting so scared about getting an IV, epidural and the spinal block for Makiah's C-section. But this time I didn't care about what was going on around me. The pressure from the contractions was more overwhelming than anything else. They could poke me all they wanted and I didn't care.

By 11 am I had my epidural and I was dilated to a 10. Fast. So fast. The doctor came in and broke my water and then left to get ready for the delivery. I was ready to push.

The epidural saved my sanity. By this time I was myself again. I was happy, smiling and so ready to see my baby. I asked if the pushing could wait until Kim got there and the nurse didn't have a problem with that. Kim arrived at 11:25 and shortly after I began to push. I was so glad that Kim was there. Taking pictures was so important to me, but it was the last thing on my mind... and Dallas' mind.

My nurse was amazing and so helpful. I was so worried about pushing, because with Evan's delivery that was where everything went wrong. This time my nurse was always telling me my progress after each contraction. She told me when I needed to do something different or when things were going well. My epidural was perfect. I could feel the contractions, but they weren't painful. I knew when to push, which made all the difference. Sometimes the nurse would say that a push didn't do anything (or would pull the baby back in a little) and I needed to change how I pushed. I could feel the difference and fix what I was doing wrong. It was a night and day difference with how things went with Evan's delivery. I honestly think that I could have delivered Evan, if I could have felt the contractions, if I had a more helpful nurse, and if I had better prepared myself for delivery. I don't believe anymore that my pelvis was too small to deliver Evan. I really think I could have done it.

Pushing wasn't too hard at first, then things began to change. The baby got closer and closer. Pushing got more and more hard. It is amazing that any woman can continue to work through this. The desire to see my baby helped me through the end. The phrase "bowling ball on fire" kept going through my mind, and that is all I'll say to describe how I felt. By this time I was not calm. But very determined. When the doctor stared preparing to actually deliver the baby, I felt so much determination to just get it over with. I kept saying things like, "just get her out!" I realized how important it was that I did my part, that I didn't give up. Dallas was an amazing help. He knew just what to say and do through all of this. I could not have done it without him. After about 50 minutes of pushing and an episiotomy, my baby was here. Daphne Juliet was born at 12:21 pm. They put her in my arms and I could NOT believe what just happened. I was in shock. I did it. I really did. I wasn't supposed to be able to, but I did.

It was amazing being able to hold Daphne so soon. The best feeling ever. She was beautiful. She looked so much like Evan and Makiah did as newborns. The nurses took her to be washed and I had to be stitched (not fun). Again, I was so glad Kim was there to take pictures. I was able to have Dallas with me when I needed him and at the same time I have these beautiful pictures of my baby girl....

Daphne weighed 8 lbs 6 oz and was 21 3/4 inches long. After hearing this I was so confused... how did I do this? She was just as big as Evan was. I couldn't believe it.

After Daphne was bathed I was able to hold her again. My emotions took over and again, I was in shock. It was amazing holding such a perfect baby in my arms. She was beautiful, healthy, and finally here. I had accomplished something I never thought I'd be able to accomplish.

I am so grateful for my doctor. She trusted my judgement all through my pregnancy. She knew I could do it. She was always sure to tell me that everything was up to me and I was in charge. I also knew that I could trust her judgement. I knew that she would tell me if something wasn't going right or if things couldn't go as planned. I feel so blessed to have found a doctor who allowed me to have a VBAC and that she was willing to help me make things work. I'm grateful that things fell right into place... everything went just as planned.

Since Daphne's birth I have been asked if having a vaginal birth was easier or harder than a C-section. I guess my answer is, it's just different. Each delivery was hard in it's own way, and each recovery was hard in it's own way. And now thinking of it, each pregnancy was hard in it's own way. Overall, I am glad things happened the way they did. I am so happy I was able to have a VBAC and that things went so smoothly.

It's amazing how different each experience was. I really wouldn't change things from how they happened with my previous deliveries. Evan's and Makiah's births were both an experience that I have grown from. I now feel so grateful that I had the experience of a vaginal birth, to know that I really can do it. It has made me a stronger person.... but, having the two C-sections has made me stronger as well. It's amazing how our accomplishments in life, no matter how they happen, make us stronger people.

(Makiah's eyes in the photo below just crack me up... I had to post this picture :))

This is what makes it worth it. I love my family so much. It is so neat to have these three beautiful children. I loved seeing Evan and Makiah interact with Daphne for the first time. They love their sister so much, it is just amazing. All through labor and delivery all I could think was "I'm never doing this again..." But really, I will. It was an amazing experience and I can't wait to meet baby number four... though it may be awhile ;)

I posted some of my favorite photos above, but here is the slide show that Kim put together for me. The pictures are beautiful, Kim did a wonderful job with them. She also did a post on her blog that you can see here. 

Password: 110111

Daphne's first moments

I feel so incredibly lucky to have these pictures. I knew the last thing I would want to worry about during and after delivery was taking pictures, or trying to get Dallas to take pictures. Kim was so sweet and willing to come to my delivery to take pictures for us. I am so, so grateful that she was able to be there and capture these moments for us.

Kim Davis Photography

Evan's Story

Evan's Story.

Written on October 9, 2011

I found out I was pregnant with my first baby on May 6, 2006. We were planning and hoping to have a baby, but we weren't sure how long we'd have to wait. Dallas and I were both excited to find out that I got pregnant so soon.

Before I found out I was pregnant I excepted a summer job as a kids day camp counselor at a heritage center in Cache Valley. The job wasn't easy while being pregnant. I was often nauseous and I had a hard time working outside in the summer heat. Milking cows, chasing goats and collecting eggs with the kids wasn't my cup of tea... not to mention I had to wear a pioneer dress during the morning group. Luckily the people I worked with helped me out and let me take some afternoons off each week so I could get out of the heat and rest.

My due date was January 13th 2007. On August 24, 2006 we found out that our baby was a boy. We both were thinking it would be a girl (mostly because we had a name picked out), but the idea of having a boy first was really exciting. He would be a big brother to the rest of our kids and everyone needs a big brother... right? The night before we found out, I was thinking that it would be a boy, because all along I was hoping for a girl (of course it would be the opposite). Dallas and I started thinking of boy names and we saw the name Evan and really liked it. We were also thinking about using Henry Evan for quite a long time, but eventually Evan won out and it was stuck.

In the Fall I was a site coordinator at After School Club. I also worked as a teacher's aide in the mornings. I loved working at the school and handled it much better while being pregnant than my summer job. As far as I can remember, my pregnancy wasn't a hard one, other than dealing with nausea. I gained about 30-35 lbs during my pregnancy. I had to take an iron supplement during my pregnancy. The only really hard thing I remember from this pregnancy was dealing with the hormone changes. I got depressed and anxious, but working and staying busy help a lot. I relied a lot on Dallas and my family for help. I took an anti-depressant to help as well.

I was terrified of delivering my baby. I didn't read very much material on the subject and I didn't seek out help either. I didn't want to take a childbirth class and I didn't want to hear about anyone's experience with childbirth. Since I wasn't prepared for the experience, neither was Dallas. We were two very young parents-to-be and we had no clue what was going on. I guess, to give myself some credit, I was more prepared for parenthood rather than the actual delivery. I read a lot of books about how to care for babies, etc. That was the part that I was comfortable with and could handle. I honestly got sick just thinking about the delivery day.

I am sad to say that this is the only photo I have of my pregnant belly right before Evan was born.  Photo taken on December 31, 2006.

At my doctor appointment the week of my due date I still hadn't dilated at all. I don't think I had even felt a single contraction yet during the pregnancy. My doctor did an ultra sound, trying to find any reason to induce me. I was healthy, the baby was fine... there was no need to be induced. I waited.

On January 16th, late in the evening, I went into labor. It was slow, contractions about 15 minutes apart. I was in and out of bed all night timing and dealing with the contractions. They weren't painful, but very consistent. The next morning I called the hospital. I was told to stay at home a while longer, eat some breakfast and get ready to come in to labor and delivery. My contractions were only 10 minutes apart... but I was anxious and we went to the hospital around 10:30 that morning.

I look back and think that I should have stayed home longer. But in all honesty, I had no clue what to do. At the hospital we didn't do much but wait. I was really fine, not too much discomfort or pain during the contractions. I remember later in the afternoon, maybe around 1 or 2, my doctor broke my water. I asked for an epidural as soon as the contractions got painful. I was so nervous about feeling any pain at all. With the epidural I had a very easy labor. Not too much pain, but I was still so nervous.

At 7 p.m. I was finally dilated to 10 cm. I had the same nurse all day, but at this point she left and I got a new nurse for delivery. We waited for an hour to push, in hopes that the baby would move down on his own a little. At 8 p.m. I started pushing. This is the point that I look back at and think... I had no clue what to do! I wonder if I would have prepared myself a little better, if things would have worked out better. But I really don't know if that would've helped.

Pushing was a nightmare. I had back labor that was so painful. Because of the pain I was told to just add to the dose of the epidural. That was a bad idea, it didn't help the back labor and I was so numb that I couldn't feel my contractions, or even move on my own. I hated having my feet up in the stirrups, but being the quiet and shy girl that I was... I didn't ask if I could change things up a little. Dallas was sweet and he wanted to help, but he wasn't sure what to do either. He would try to rub my legs and that just made me upset. I hated they way it felt on my numb legs and I didn't want him to touch me. The nurse tried to help me through each contraction. She would tell me when to push since I couldn't feel anything. I remember getting ready for a contraction to come and she would tell me to push... and then I would say that I couldn't do it anymore. The nurse was really pushy and tried so hard to motivate me, but she really just made me so mad (I am sure I was driving her crazy). I wished so hard that I could just give up. I also remember freaking out at a few points, because of the pain, or the sight of blood. I was so nauseous and threw up several times.  I could not keep myself in control to think my way through the delivery. I couldn't handle everything that was happening. I was so overwhelmed. Finally, after two hours of pushing, my doctor was called in. She obviously didn't see any progress, so she told me that she thought a c-section was the best route. She explained that my pelvis just wasn't big enough to fit the baby through, and that forceps wouldn't even help me at this point. She asked me for my permission to do a c-section and after a little hesitation I told her to just get the baby out. I just wanted to be done.

I honestly thought I was going to die. That is a little over dramatic, but that is how I felt. They prepped me for surgery and I just laid there, so overwhelmed. My mom and my sister Cami were in the waiting room. As I was wheeled past them to get to the OR, I said goodbye... because  I thought I was going to die. Dallas didn't come in right away, he was out in the hallway getting his scrubs and things on. He said that he was scared too, especially when a group of students rushed in to get ready for the surgery. Half of them were nervous and asking how to put the masks and things on. This didn't give Dallas comfort.

The surgery was fine, there were no problems. I remember shaking from the medication, I was so cold. Dallas watched the surgery when he could... I wanted him to talk to me rather than watch, so he could help me relax. Evan John was born at 10:39 p.m. on January 17, 2007. He was 8 lbs, 8.5 oz and 21 inches long. He had a little bit of brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. He was perfect. I wanted to hold him but I couldn't. I remember crying when I first heard his cry. I couldn't believe he was finally here. Dallas was able to hold him and show him to me. He was so chubby!

They took me to recovery after the surgery. I was there for an hour. Alone. I hated it. Finally they took me to my room and Dallas was there, but then they took him away. I didn't know why, I figured he would get Evan and bring him to me. I waited. And waited. Finally I asked a nurse what was going on. She said that they were bathing Evan and they would come soon. It took an hour of waiting. Finally, 2 hours after his birth, I got to hold my Evan. I tried nursing, but we were both so tired and it was all I could do to keep from falling asleep. I originally wanted Evan to stay with me in my room, but I needed to rest. So I let the nurse take him to the nursery.

My hospital stay... to be blunt.... wasn't a good experience. I was having trouble nursing. I had trouble with the nurses feeding Evan a bottle without asking me first. He wouldn't latch on and I ended up feeding him through a syringe and trying to use a nipple shield. I pumped to try to get my milk to come in. He was one confused baby. I was one confused mom. It was all so hard. To top it all off, my hormones were going crazy. I cried over everything. I hated the night time and didn't get much sleep. Dallas didn't stay the night, because there was no where for him to sleep. It took me awhile to get up and walking. They took my catheter out and then needed to put it back in, because I couldn't even use the bathroom on my own. I was so frustrated and just wanted to go home. On January 20th I finally got to go home, but that was after convincing the hospital staff that I was ready. They wanted me to stay one more night.

Everything (except nursing) seemed to get better once I got home. I was tired, sore and sick of course. But I was home and recovering, so everything seemed much better. I tried to nurse Evan for three weeks. It was the same pattern every other hour... I'd try to nurse Evan, he wouldn't latch on, I would use a nipple shield and he still wouldn't latch on. Then I would feed him what breast milk I had (which wasn't much... I never got very much milk) with the syringe and eventually a bottle. Then I would pump and the cycle would start over an hour or two later. It was hard. Night time was never ending. I hated pumping, and I would dread feeding time. I wanted to breastfeed Evan so bad, but at the same time it was emotionally and physically straining. After three weeks Dallas finally made the suggestion to just stop and bottle feed. It was a hard decision, but it was right for us. I immediately felt happier. I enjoyed being with Evan so much more. The stress was gone and I was happy being a mom.

It was a big learning experience for Dallas and me. We grew so much from everything that happened. I do have some fun memories from the time... like when Dallas went home during my labor to get lunch. He came back with a bag of popcorn. I swear it made the whole labor and delivery floor smell so good. I was so mad at Dallas for bringing it in when I couldn't eat anything. Another time in the hospital, after I had Evan, we were watching the Cosby Show. It was so funny. But I couldn't laugh. My incision and muscles hurt so bad and I had to make Dallas turn off the TV because I was laughing and crying so hard. I also loved holding Evan and looking at him. He was so beautiful, and it was so hard to believe he was mine. I loved his eyes (and still do!). He was just perfect. I loved being a mom, even with the ups and downs in the hospital. I also loved seeing my family after I came home from the hospital. It was fun to show off my baby :) My mom came and stayed with me for a time after I got home. It was fun to be with her, and watch her be a grandma.

Our family of 3 on April 7, 2007.

Overall, I recovered very quickly. It is amazing to me what mothers do to bring their little ones into the world. Then, just like that, things are fine. We recover, and have the energy needed to a take care of a child.  I don't think childbirth has to be dramatic or extremely painful. But in some cases, it just is. In my situation I wasn't prepared for much at all. I thought I could just show up, have a baby, and everything would be okay, the hospital staff would know enough for me. Now I know that it takes preparation. There is much we can learn from reading, going to classes and practicing relaxation and breathing techniques for labor and delivery. I have yet to have a vaginal birth, but I do know that many women handle it beautifully... even though it isn't easy.

I now look at Evan and I am amazed that I made it to this point. That he has grown into such a smart, healthy young boy. He is such a blessing in my life and (of course) I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Makiah's Story

Makiah's Story

Written on October 10, 2011

Before Dallas and I decided to have our second child, we were enjoying our time with baby Evan. Being a mom was fun, challenging, and different. It was a hard transition from being in school and work to being a stay-at-home mom. I often got bored and had a hard time being at home. Dallas decided to apply for graduate school at Purdue University in the fall of 2007, and that was when I decided I wanted another baby. I wanted someone for Evan to play with, and I wanted to have another baby before we made any big changes in our life (like moving across the country). I remember asking Dallas if he felt it was time, he wasn't so big on the idea as I was. After all, Evan was only 7 or 8 months old at the time. Dallas took the GRE and  turned in his application to Purdue and began looking for work as well. He was graduating from Utah State the following May and we weren't sure where we would be after that. I continued to ask for another baby :) Finally Dallas felt good about the idea. On November 19, 2007 (our second anniversary) we found out I was pregnant with our second baby. Evan was only 10 months old, he would be 18 months by the time the baby arrived.

We kept the pregnancy a secret until Evan's 1st birthday in January. We had a big family party for Evan and told everyone that day. We still didn't know what was going to happen after graduation. If by chance we did move to Indiana, we would be having our baby in Utah before the move.

This pregnancy, like Evan's, was hard emotionally. I quickly became depressed. I would get so bored, sad and anxious all the time. Being a stay at home mom did not help this situation. I constantly wanted Dallas to be home. I wanted to be around people. We visited my family as much as we could. But the traveling was tough on our budget and it was hard for Dallas to understand why I needed my family all the time. I had friends in the area, but no one I felt like I could talk to and gain support from. Again, I took an anti-depressant to help. It wasn't always enough though. I had to wait for my second trimester to take it and so the first trimester was very hard on me. As we continued to talk about hopefully getting accepted to Purdue, and maybe moving to Indiana, I had a very hard time. The thoughts of moving away from family made the depression worse. It was hard on Dallas and I. We just couldn't understand each other at the time.

Other than the depression, I really can't remember having any pregnancy troubles. I did have to take an iron supplement, just as I did with Evan's pregnancy. I was planning on having a C-section and so I didn't worry about birthing classes or reading any birthing books. My doctor was insistent that I should have a C-section. She said that I was just to small to birth a baby and that is how it would be with each baby I had. I was terrified of the thought of a VBAC, so I went with her opinion and planned on the C-section.

My due date was originally on July 27, 2008, but after my first appointment and ultra sound my doctor found that my baby was measuring big. She moved my due date up to July 20th. Since I was having a C-section, I knew I would have the baby within a week before my due date. On February 28, 2008 we found out that our baby was a girl! I was so excited that I cried :) We already had a name picked out for her, Makiah Jaiden.

Little Evan didn't really know what was going on throughout my pregnancy. He was so young and just didn't understand. He was such a good toddler and that made things easy for me. I had plenty of time to sleep during his naps and he enjoyed playing next to me while I rested.

In the spring we started to doubt that Dallas would get accepted into Purdue. We hadn't heard anything and that was really disappointing to Dallas. Dallas continued to look for a job with no luck. Two weeks before graduation we finally received a letter in the mail from Purdue. We still had our doubts and thought that it was a rejection since it had come later than we thought it would. We both cried (with joy :)) when we read that Dallas was accepted! We were both so surprised, and despite my worry before, we both knew that it was what we were supposed to do.

This is one of  the only photos I have of my pregnant belly with Makiah. Taken after Dallas' Graduation from Utah State, on May 3, 2008

I was able to ignore the nervous thoughts of moving across the country because of my pregnancy. The baby would come first and then the move (though I did a lot of packing, looking for a place to live, etc). As we got closer to my due date, we scheduled the C-section for Wednesday, July 16, 2008.

Having a scheduled C-section was wonderful. I knew exactly when our baby would come, and was able to plan everything in advance. The day before the surgery my sister, Cami, came up to take us to the hospital the next day and to watch Evan. (We didn't have a car because it broke down the weekend before). The day of my surgery my parents also came to see Makiah and to take Evan home with them for a few days (they also brought us our new car that they test drove for us and we bought just in time for the baby to come and for the move to Indiana).

The morning of the C-section I was so anxious. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I had to be at the hospital by 5:30 a.m. if I remember right. The surgery would begin at 7:30 a.m. While Dallas and I were waiting in a hospital room, Dallas was trying to keep my mind off of things (probably for himself too). He was being his funny self and making me laugh so hard... eventually the laughing turned to tears as I realized what was going to happen soon. I cried and cried as we waited. They took me into the OR and prepped me for a spinal block. This was probably the scariest part for me. I cried more. I hated the feeling of my body going numb and not being able to feel anything or control myself. I handled the surgery very well this time around. Dallas watched the surgery as much as he could... I wanted him to stay close to me to help me through it. Things moved very quickly, there was no pain during the surgery, but a lot of tugging and pulling that I could feel. At 7:47 a.m. Makiah was born. She was 7 lbs  8 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. She had very dark eyes, almost black. Here hair was brown, and she had a crease above her nose that we thought was so cute. The best part was that I was able to hold her close to me with Dallas' help.

Next they took me to recovery, it was much better with Makiah than with Evan. I was able to nurse her right away and Dallas was there too. Later I went to my room and my parents, Cami, and Evan came to see Makiah. Evan was all over the place, he didn't seem to care about the baby and he didn't understand why I couldn't hold him. They soon left and I was able to get plenty of rest.

Breastfeeding Makiah was better than with Evan, but not easy. She latched on okay, but she sure sucked hard. I was having a hard time with it. I know nursing isn't easy and it takes time, but it was more than that. I couldn't enjoy it. I had a hard time with even the thoughts of nursing and having a baby latched on to me. I didn't like it, and I didn't like that I didn't like it. All my life I had planned to nurse my babies and it just wasn't turning out like I had planned. Just like with Evan, I felt pressured to do it, but didn't want to. I dreaded feeding times. During my hospital stay one of my nurses was my bishop's wife. I was nervous having her as a nurse, and I thought for sure that she would pressure me into breastfeeding Makiah. At one point she asked me how breastfeeding was going and I hesitantly told her that it was tough, I was extremely sore and I wasn't sure if I was going to continue. She was so helpful! She didn't try to sway me from breastfeeding, but she talked to me and reminded me that I was the mom and I could do what was best for me and my baby. She told me to work it out with Dallas and make the decision that we felt most comfortable with. It was so relieving. I decided shortly after that that I would bottle feed again. It was what I really wanted and what I was familiar with. Dallas agreed 100%.

I knew from the start of my hospital stay that I didn't want to stay there three nights again. I was determined to be ready to go home after two nights. I got up regularly and was able to take care of myself and Makiah for the most part. Dallas was able to stay with me during the night (it was the same hospital as with Evan, but it was a new maternity wing, so it was bigger and had a pull out bed for the father). We went home on Friday, July 18th and enjoyed a day with Makiah while Evan was still with grandma and grandpa.

On Saturday Evan came home. With all the visitors in the house he didn't even realize that Makiah was ours and she was here to stay. Once we had our house back to ourselves, Evan started to notice Makiah more and more. He loved having a baby sister and he loved helping his mom. My sister Bethany stayed to help me for about a week or so. It was nice having her around, especially since we were about to move soon.

Our family of 4 on August 3, 2008, Makiah's Blessing day.

The transition from having one child to two was a lot easier for me than the transition from not having any children to having one. I felt ready and I already had a routine. I guess the hard part was moving, but that doesn't happen every time a child comes into a family. It was wonderful having Makiah come into our family. I stay busy with two children and they have become the best of friends. It was just what I wanted and it made the move to Indiana easier in a way. It is wonderful to have a family of my own and being at home with my kids each day. I stay busy and I don't get bored anymore with two kids. I have loved being a mom!